So now I'm mid week of double dosage and surprisingly devoid of the side effects I was expecting to come and get me again. Well, shitty tummy is still present but I reckon that's comeback for not going to Slimming World and eating what the fuck I like while I've been "poorly".
Today is Wednesday and I've felt surprisingly upbeat! The side effects though intense, dissapated quickly I guess and I think I'm adjusting well to them now.
I've dealt with customers well. I've had a laugh with my workmates today.
I'm actually looking forward to Debbies wedding at the weekend too! Even the excitement of doing London all on my own! :D
I hope it lasts....
Wednesday, 22 September 2010
As if mental probs weren't enough.....
The weekend passes and I go skating for the first time since the meds switch. I'm dizzy. I fall over a lot! I'm also burning up and go through some drills without my helmet - at my own risk!
Arrive late and stressed and angry. Do my warm up and stretches without being able to really bring myself to speak to anyone.
As my mood relaxes I can say hello to people one by one later.
Despite the weirdness I'm still experiencing, I have an almighty urge to skate very VERY fast and feel like I'm tearing up the track doing endurance. I also feel FULL of energy and want to bounce and hop and not stay still. I feel proper alive again!
We practice offence/defense. It's brilliant, I'm in the zone! I'm getting in the passes as jammer and really having fun for the first time in what feels like ages. At last!
Next thing I realise is there's a couple of bangs and I'm on the floor clutching my head. I fell and bounced my head off the floor quite hard. Just what I need - a head injury! Great! My brain is having enough problems without being physically beaten up too!
My lovely derby wife takes me home and hands me over to Mikey in a state of confusion.
We have to discuss wether to go to hospital or not. I have worrying symptoms. I want to go to sleep and the lights are all too bright but can't decide if its symptoms or side effects and if I'd experience this anyway without the bang on the head.
Anyway just to be sure, get checked over in the LOUDEST A&E department ever. Great for the whopper of a headache I have! There's a plasma screen on the wall showing the afternoon Bond movie with a shootout scene in full swing and it seems that at least 2 chav families have brought all their kids down to watch it as they prob can't afford proper cinema! Eeesh!
Anyway, given the all clear by a very tall, slightly pissed off and apathetic doctor and sent home to finally take painkillers and have my nap. Right as rain after that.
Arrive late and stressed and angry. Do my warm up and stretches without being able to really bring myself to speak to anyone.
As my mood relaxes I can say hello to people one by one later.
Despite the weirdness I'm still experiencing, I have an almighty urge to skate very VERY fast and feel like I'm tearing up the track doing endurance. I also feel FULL of energy and want to bounce and hop and not stay still. I feel proper alive again!
We practice offence/defense. It's brilliant, I'm in the zone! I'm getting in the passes as jammer and really having fun for the first time in what feels like ages. At last!
Next thing I realise is there's a couple of bangs and I'm on the floor clutching my head. I fell and bounced my head off the floor quite hard. Just what I need - a head injury! Great! My brain is having enough problems without being physically beaten up too!
My lovely derby wife takes me home and hands me over to Mikey in a state of confusion.
We have to discuss wether to go to hospital or not. I have worrying symptoms. I want to go to sleep and the lights are all too bright but can't decide if its symptoms or side effects and if I'd experience this anyway without the bang on the head.
Anyway just to be sure, get checked over in the LOUDEST A&E department ever. Great for the whopper of a headache I have! There's a plasma screen on the wall showing the afternoon Bond movie with a shootout scene in full swing and it seems that at least 2 chav families have brought all their kids down to watch it as they prob can't afford proper cinema! Eeesh!
Anyway, given the all clear by a very tall, slightly pissed off and apathetic doctor and sent home to finally take painkillers and have my nap. Right as rain after that.
..... Anyway.... So yes, these new pills....
Started dose on Sunday evening. Work the next day was a bit "weird". Bad stomach as expected and feeling not quite all there. Shakey hands, vision weird etc.... Vivid dreams and jumpy sleep on the night.
Tuesday - Day off. Physical effects: Sleep deprived, headachey/migraine. Shitty tummy, shakes, fidgeting, hand wringing, foot tapping, brain shivers; all the works. Weird crawley uncomfortable sensation like nothing I've ever felt. Clothing and water against my skin creeping me out. Unable to bathe, dress or move. Sit in one spot on laptop for distraction, still fidgeting.
Mental effects: Paranoia, anxiety, depression, panicky, brain shivers, random crying moments etc. Odd cat naps through the day grabbing sleep when I can before my body twitches me awake.
I desperately do not want to be alone as don't feel I can cope by myself but Mikey at work on a late shift so just gotta deal with it. Though I keep thinking of my doctors words telling me to NOT be alone, especially when feeling on the brink of a mental episode.
I have so many friends/family who always say to let them know if I ever need them. This is one of those times but I cannot bring myself to burden them with me in this state.
Despite just wanting the day to end soon I find myself putting off going to bed as know I'll have to take more pills :(
So stay off work Wednesday feeling much the same but not as intense.
Thursday I go to work. Feeling completely paranoid and a bit loopy and out of control.
I have a slightly OTT laughing fit at Stephen accidentally banging his head on a desk. I can hear myself and sound insane but can't stop it.
Over dinner I'm pissed off as I can't afford food and I'm empty and hungry from all the shitting I've been doing. There's no chairs and people are selfishly not moving when they've finished eating. Feel completely and uneccessarily wound up about it. Also cannot seem to control my inner temperature and feel like I'm gonna blow!
Go downstairs and spontaneously begin to sweat and cry and hide in the training room. I cannot face another customer in my current frame of mind.
I'm found by a colleague who fetches Debi. Now I cannot stop sobbing. I feel ridiculous and embarrassed and must LOOK like a mental patient. She doesn't know what to do with me so sends me home after agreeing to let me go part time for my own sanity.
Friday I stay off - I don't want to face people. I still feel weirded out although I'm more comfortable with my mam coming round and am able to open up a bit more about how bad it's been.
Saturday I only go in to confirm my part time hours for Monday and I try not to deal with the customers and just stick doing the filing instead. Selfish yeah, but necessary in my current state!
I don't care.
Tuesday - Day off. Physical effects: Sleep deprived, headachey/migraine. Shitty tummy, shakes, fidgeting, hand wringing, foot tapping, brain shivers; all the works. Weird crawley uncomfortable sensation like nothing I've ever felt. Clothing and water against my skin creeping me out. Unable to bathe, dress or move. Sit in one spot on laptop for distraction, still fidgeting.
Mental effects: Paranoia, anxiety, depression, panicky, brain shivers, random crying moments etc. Odd cat naps through the day grabbing sleep when I can before my body twitches me awake.
I desperately do not want to be alone as don't feel I can cope by myself but Mikey at work on a late shift so just gotta deal with it. Though I keep thinking of my doctors words telling me to NOT be alone, especially when feeling on the brink of a mental episode.
I have so many friends/family who always say to let them know if I ever need them. This is one of those times but I cannot bring myself to burden them with me in this state.
Despite just wanting the day to end soon I find myself putting off going to bed as know I'll have to take more pills :(
So stay off work Wednesday feeling much the same but not as intense.
Thursday I go to work. Feeling completely paranoid and a bit loopy and out of control.
I have a slightly OTT laughing fit at Stephen accidentally banging his head on a desk. I can hear myself and sound insane but can't stop it.
Over dinner I'm pissed off as I can't afford food and I'm empty and hungry from all the shitting I've been doing. There's no chairs and people are selfishly not moving when they've finished eating. Feel completely and uneccessarily wound up about it. Also cannot seem to control my inner temperature and feel like I'm gonna blow!
Go downstairs and spontaneously begin to sweat and cry and hide in the training room. I cannot face another customer in my current frame of mind.
I'm found by a colleague who fetches Debi. Now I cannot stop sobbing. I feel ridiculous and embarrassed and must LOOK like a mental patient. She doesn't know what to do with me so sends me home after agreeing to let me go part time for my own sanity.
Friday I stay off - I don't want to face people. I still feel weirded out although I'm more comfortable with my mam coming round and am able to open up a bit more about how bad it's been.
Saturday I only go in to confirm my part time hours for Monday and I try not to deal with the customers and just stick doing the filing instead. Selfish yeah, but necessary in my current state!
I don't care.
So I've created this for purely myself as a place to jot down my shit when I need to get it out!
It's a private blog but in a public domain. If you find it and want to read it, thats your choice. I'm not writing for your entertainment so don't expect bangs and whizzes!
History so far:
It's 22/09/10 today. I have suffered depression for approx last 18 months.
I've spent a good year on Venlafaxine beginning at 75mg and upping eventually to 150mg daily. They helped me for so long but after 2 months of work, going back was one hell of a shock to my system and I could feel them no longer working. I was beginning to fall apart publically and not just privately anymore. A higher dosage would mean more problems with drowsiness and the feelings of constant exhaustion were not helping with my current situation at all.
My doc changed me over to Citalopram 10mg with instruction to double dosage after 1 week.
I wondered if this dosage was right. 150mg to 10mg???? What could this tiny pill do?
Well I soon found out just how small but mighty it was.....
It's a private blog but in a public domain. If you find it and want to read it, thats your choice. I'm not writing for your entertainment so don't expect bangs and whizzes!
History so far:
It's 22/09/10 today. I have suffered depression for approx last 18 months.
I've spent a good year on Venlafaxine beginning at 75mg and upping eventually to 150mg daily. They helped me for so long but after 2 months of work, going back was one hell of a shock to my system and I could feel them no longer working. I was beginning to fall apart publically and not just privately anymore. A higher dosage would mean more problems with drowsiness and the feelings of constant exhaustion were not helping with my current situation at all.
My doc changed me over to Citalopram 10mg with instruction to double dosage after 1 week.
I wondered if this dosage was right. 150mg to 10mg???? What could this tiny pill do?
Well I soon found out just how small but mighty it was.....
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