Started dose on Sunday evening. Work the next day was a bit "weird". Bad stomach as expected and feeling not quite all there. Shakey hands, vision weird etc.... Vivid dreams and jumpy sleep on the night.
Tuesday - Day off. Physical effects: Sleep deprived, headachey/migraine. Shitty tummy, shakes, fidgeting, hand wringing, foot tapping, brain shivers; all the works. Weird crawley uncomfortable sensation like nothing I've ever felt. Clothing and water against my skin creeping me out. Unable to bathe, dress or move. Sit in one spot on laptop for distraction, still fidgeting.
Mental effects: Paranoia, anxiety, depression, panicky, brain shivers, random crying moments etc. Odd cat naps through the day grabbing sleep when I can before my body twitches me awake.
I desperately do not want to be alone as don't feel I can cope by myself but Mikey at work on a late shift so just gotta deal with it. Though I keep thinking of my doctors words telling me to NOT be alone, especially when feeling on the brink of a mental episode.
I have so many friends/family who always say to let them know if I ever need them. This is one of those times but I cannot bring myself to burden them with me in this state.
Despite just wanting the day to end soon I find myself putting off going to bed as know I'll have to take more pills :(
So stay off work Wednesday feeling much the same but not as intense.
Thursday I go to work. Feeling completely paranoid and a bit loopy and out of control.
I have a slightly OTT laughing fit at Stephen accidentally banging his head on a desk. I can hear myself and sound insane but can't stop it.
Over dinner I'm pissed off as I can't afford food and I'm empty and hungry from all the shitting I've been doing. There's no chairs and people are selfishly not moving when they've finished eating. Feel completely and uneccessarily wound up about it. Also cannot seem to control my inner temperature and feel like I'm gonna blow!
Go downstairs and spontaneously begin to sweat and cry and hide in the training room. I cannot face another customer in my current frame of mind.
I'm found by a colleague who fetches Debi. Now I cannot stop sobbing. I feel ridiculous and embarrassed and must LOOK like a mental patient. She doesn't know what to do with me so sends me home after agreeing to let me go part time for my own sanity.
Friday I stay off - I don't want to face people. I still feel weirded out although I'm more comfortable with my mam coming round and am able to open up a bit more about how bad it's been.
Saturday I only go in to confirm my part time hours for Monday and I try not to deal with the customers and just stick doing the filing instead. Selfish yeah, but necessary in my current state!
I don't care.
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