Right now

I've been having a bad time again.

Right now I'm sat on my own. I'm putting off going to bed to put off tomorrow coming along.
I feel like crying and don't know why? I have nothing to cry about other than my own bloddy misery??
It's very hard to get into words. I feel..... erratic!
I have the same negative thoughts going round my head.
This bout is coming up on Sunday and I feel like I'm going along with it for everyone elses benefit.
I feel detached from the team lately and I don't even feel like I enjoy it any more.
I've lost complete faith in my own ability and don't think I benefit the team in any way anymore.
I've been told I'm one of the better skaters but I can't help but feel that's a bit of an ego massage in case I go off the rails again on hearing the mediocre truth.
The fact that I haven't been put in to play the position I once loved and was good at confirms this for me. Yes, I was upset about it.
I feel sad cos I loved this so much...

I don't sound like me anymore. Stix said she missed me and to be honest, I miss me too.
I don't like this moody, changable, negative person I seem to be now.

I don't want to go to work tomorrow. I don't want to face people. I don't know how much longer I can force being happy for customers before I snap again.

I don't want to go skating tomorrow. I don't really want to face the team now. I'm embarrassed by the fact I've been so bonkers the last couple of weeks. The newer ones must think I'm a nutcase. I've hardly done anything to prove otherwise!

I could do with someone to talk to but nobody is online and I don't want to burden anyone with my crap anyway.

I don't feel suicidal but I do wish I could have some time out from life for a bit.